Growing up without my father, I found myself wrestling with feelings of anger, rejection and abandonment. Like many men raised under similar circumstances, I vowed to myself that my children would not be left to grow up in my absence. What I failed to fully grasp was the fact that more than just my physical presence was required.
Over the years, I patted myself on the back for doing more than my father did for me. All the while, feelings of resentment and anger had taken root and continued to grow in my heart. I kept rehearsing in my mind all that I had sacrificed to remain with my wife and children. And for what, when they didn't even respect or appreciate me?
Coming home from work, the first words my wife and children often heard were my complaints about the way the house looked. Why weren't the dishes cleaned? Why wasn't the garbage taken out? What had been done in my absence without someone checking with me first? None of this communicated to them that I was happy to see them after being apart all day. Then, of course, there were the days when my anger and resentment boiled over and my feelings of begin unappreciated and disrespected exploded into a barrage of hurtful, insulting words and tearing things up.
When my wife spoke of leaving me because she felt that I'd be happier without her, I felt that this was just a cop-out or her way of shifting blame. After all, most people walk away from a marriage because they are the one who is no longer happy.
As my children grew older, I realized that they, too, didn't really want to be around me. When I'd walk through the door in the evening, they'd escape to their rooms for refuge. I'd ask if anyone wanted to join me in different activities or accompany me certain places and all I got was crickets. Really? Nobody? Wow!
It wasn't until we sat down as a family for counseling that the walls begin to fall and my wife and children felt safe enough to begin to open up and explain exactly how they felt and why. Mind you, it was not comfortable hearing these things. As a matter of fact, my first inclination was to raise my walls of defense and find some way to minimize, deny or blame.
True healing really begin to come during my quiet time and worship, as the Father begin to minister to the deepest parts of my soul. He begin to show me His example of being a loving Father and companion.
Even in His sacrifice, in spite of our pride, arrogance, disrespect and lack of gratitude, it is with loving kindness that He continues to draw us. He sings over us and calls us His beloved. He continues to pursue, draw and woo us. He's promised to be with us always and love us unconditionally. In all that He has done for us, regardless of the other idols and lovers that we've given our hearts to, He still assures us that we're welcomed, desired and celebrated.
Overlooking the trivial things in order to communicate my love and admiration to my wife and children has required a conscious and consistent effort on my part. Sure, there are days when I'm better at this than others. But, I knew this was necessary to bring about healing and restoration in our lives and let them know that I truly love and value them. The more I do it, the easier it becomes. And, over time, I have seen a noticeable change.
The Father often reminds me of what true love looks like by taking me back to the characteristics and behaviors described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:
Even in His sacrifice, in spite of our pride, arrogance, disrespect and lack of gratitude, it is with loving kindness that He continues to draw us. He sings over us and calls us His beloved. He continues to pursue, draw and woo us. He's promised to be with us always and love us unconditionally. In all that He has done for us, regardless of the other idols and lovers that we've given our hearts to, He still assures us that we're welcomed, desired and celebrated.
Overlooking the trivial things in order to communicate my love and admiration to my wife and children has required a conscious and consistent effort on my part. Sure, there are days when I'm better at this than others. But, I knew this was necessary to bring about healing and restoration in our lives and let them know that I truly love and value them. The more I do it, the easier it becomes. And, over time, I have seen a noticeable change.
The Father often reminds me of what true love looks like by taking me back to the characteristics and behaviors described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.What are you communicating to those closest to you? Those that you lay down your life for on a regular basis. Do they know that you love and enjoy them, counting whatever sacrifices you may have to make on their behalf is worth it, because you are worth it? Or are they left feeling that they're more of a burden to you and that you'd be happier without them?
