A Cadmean Victory is defined as "a victory obtained only at great or ruinous cost to the victor."
I recently heard of this and thought this was very profound. It made me reflect upon my family and my interaction with them over the years.
My wife and I have been married for more than 22 years now. We've also raised three children together. I wish I could say they have been 22 years of bliss and happiness. But, I would be lying.
I believe one of the greatest needs that a man has is the respect of his wife and children. However, in many men's quest to gain this respect, they often lose their wife and children along the way. Very sad, but true.
This quest often becomes a battle, waged against the very ones that he is called to love, protect and serve. I've heard of men who have declared that it did not matter to them if their family loved them, but they would respect them.
I, myself, can reflect back over many instances where I have withheld affection from my wife and children, due to the lack of respect that I felt that I was being shown. This only led to a vicious cycle of unhealthy behaviors that, in turn, caused things to spiral even further downward.
Scripture tell us that whoever would be greatest among you should be servant of all. It also goes on to tell us that love is not rude, self-seeking, does not demand it's own way and is not easily angered. Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it. And we, as fathers, are called to model the love of our Heavenly Father to our and children.
Scripture tells us that we love God because He first loved us. He says, it is with loving kindness that He draws us. And Jesus declares that if we love Him, we will keep his commandments. It is through an intimate loving relationship that we come to know, trust, love and desire to follow Him.
Our families may come to fear us, in an unhealthy way, if we demand their respect at all costs. Is this what we want? What have we gained if we lose them along the way to trying to gain the respect we feel that we deserve?
The truth is, we have failed in our role as a husband and a father, when we fail to show them the love and respect that they deserve and need from us. Who is the real winner when our families fall apart?
